Let’s dive into how to encourage motivation when you don’t want to _____ (fill-in-the-blank). First, assess if your resistance to _____ is simply avoidance of something that would be beneficial for you or if _____ is not actually going to enhance your wellbeing. When it comes to changing habits that we know will be beneficial for us, it’s normal to have feelings of resistance due to fear of failure, fear of success or not wanting to rock the boat in a relationship.
Examples of things that might not enhance your wellbeing are doing a type of exercise at an intensity that isn’t actually beneficial for you, taking on extra work to make extra money when it will be detrimental to your physical and mental health or trying to fix a relationship that just needs to end.
Watch out for any “shoulds” in your mind when pursuing what you want. Rather than focus on the “should” of , shift your attention to the reward that you will get from taking action. Define what is beneficial for you, like getting a little closer to your goal, increased feelings of confidence, increased energy, feeling lighter or feeling more capable. Notice how good you feel during and after. This is so important. Focus on the reward and you’ll be more inspired to repeat it. After four to six weeks, it will be a normal part of your routine and a priority in your life. The rewards of things like having an emergency savings account, a more capable body or a stronger relationship are likely to increase the happiness chemicals in your brain leading to more motivation.
Start small. Five minutes, $10, one task. Choose one part of the house to clean like unloading the dishwasher. Take a five-minute walk around the block. Save $10 per week. Choose a digestible amount of time, money or activity to start with. Focus your attention on being present with what’s enjoyable about the experience, such as how your feet feel as you walk along the pavement, the strength in your arms to put a stack of plates into the cabinet or the inner strength of expressing yourself assertively. As you feel the benefits of your actions, you’ll feel motivated to do more.
Create a routine. Choose a specific time each day, week or month for this activity or task. Get a buddy. Join a group. These things will motivate you to stay the course. My husband and I have our own “state of the union” every third Thursday of each month at noon to check-in about what’s going well and what can be improved in our relationship. We also have a financial state of the union monthly too!
Learn to say no. Treat your exercise/finance/relationship time like a doctor’s appointment. If you get another invitation, say no. Create a wide boundary around this time so that meetings or other daily obligations can’t infringe on it.
Think of your future self and how the benefits of doing this activity will extend to a healthier and happier you in three months, a year or five years. By changing your diet or having a consistent exercise routine now, you may reduce health complications like heart disease, diabetes or dementia in the future. By saving and investing $10 a week now, you’ll be investing in your future financial security. By cleaning your house consistently, you’ll feel the peaceful effects of a clean and tidy space, reducing your stress and increasing your wellbeing.
Know that you will hit resistance. When this happens, notice the resistance, label it in your mind and then move quickly towards the thing that you are resisting. Put those sneakers on quickly. Go grab the cleaning supplies. Jump online and move money from your checking to savings or to an investment fund. You can also increase your energy by clapping your hands, snapping your fingers, vigorously patting parts of your body to wake them up and get them moving or giving yourself a full body shake. Put on some high energy music that gets you going! Most importantly, if you just can’t get moving, be kind to yourself.
Shaming or criticizing yourself for not “making progress” will only keep you stuck in the cycle. Being kind and generous towards yourself, like you would to a small child who is learning, will be far more effective in motivating you towards what you want.
Cut this article out and put it on the fridge right next to the goal that you want to encourage motivation for. Let me know how it goes!
Stacey Royce
Trauma-sensitive Yoga Therapist
subtlebodyexperience.com
Editor’s note: Wellness Word is an informational column which is not meant to replace a healthcare professional’s diagnosis, treatment or medication.