If you follow news or current events at all, you’ve probably heard repeatedly that “we are living through unprecedented times.” Perhaps you have a sense of uncertainty about the future too.
When humans face big or rapid changes and our sense of safety is threatened, our bodies have a system of defense that often kicks in to either fight, flee, freeze or give up. You may find yourself feeling dread, anxiety, sadness, despair, powerlessness, grief or fear or trying your very best to numb these feelings.
It takes courage and strength to feel. Feelings are intimate. Intimacy is vulnerable. Vulnerability can be uncomfortable if you don’t have the inner resources to meet it skillfully.
The benefit of addressing your feelings is that they will eventually change, evolve and move on. If you repress, suppress, numb or outright deny your negative feelings, they may build up inside and emerge either as a mental or emotional breakdown, illness or ongoing misery.
Strong feelings, like being overwhelmed, anger, confusion, agitation, depression or lack of energy, are common negative feelings. Cynicism is another threat response, which shields you from feeling sad, despair or powerlessness.
Let’s look at some of these feelings, how to meet them and move through them so that you can prosper day to day.
Anger at injustice can mobilize us to work for change, but it is not sustainable over the long-term. Long term anger will evolve to bitterness and resentment. Anger can be the catalyst to do something, but there will need to be a shift to a fiery commitment for sustainable action. Be aware that anger can cover up fear, grief or sadness so look a little deeper to see if there is more under the surface of anger.
Being overwhelmed, having a lack of energy and being confused are indicators that you are taking too much on or in. It is possible to gorge on social media or news or cram so much into your schedule that you don’t have any time to rest or have fun. Slowing down and creating a little more space in your mind (and schedule) can help create more energy and clarity.
Dread or agitation can feel like “something not right” in the body. It’s a signal to pay attention to something inside or outside of yourself and do what you can to mitigate further agitation, whether that is to limit your time on social media or the news or to take a step towards something that will “feed the need.” If you are experiencing agitation, ask yourself, “What is the need or what do I need here?”
Depression or cynicism can be a response to feeling powerless. There are two strong antidotes for this. First is to notice that there are positive, beneficial and heartfelt things happening around you every day. Turn the lens towards these things to remind yourself that life is also full of good. The second antidote is to take action like helping out a friend or neighbor, volunteering at an organization that does good work, writing thank you cards to people who matter to you or who are doing beneficial things in your community.
Building inner strengths and resources will help you strengthen your internal state in order to handle the intensity of feelings as they arise.
It is possible to be strong and soft. In yogic tradition, we practice towards equal parts effort and ease. Zen Buddhist Roshi Joan Halifax coined “strong back, soft front” and describes it in this way: “All too often our so-called strength comes from fear, not love; instead of having a strong back, many of us have a defended front shielding a weak spine. In other words, we walk around brittle and defensive, trying to conceal our lack of confidence. If we strengthen our backs, metaphorically speaking, and develop a spine that’s flexible but sturdy, then we can risk having a front that’s soft and open, representing choiceless compassion. The place in your body where these two meet—strong back and soft front—is the brave, tender ground in which to root our caring deeply.”
Rather than defending yourself (and a weak spine) by being cynical, angry, resentful or hopeless, choose to “strengthen your spine” so that you can be receptive and strong simultaneously. True strength means cultivating the courage to speak your truth, set boundaries and stand for justice while honoring your needs and feelings. It’s the difference between being rigid and being resilient. Compassion and boundaries can co-exist. You can stand for justice while being open to communicate. You can speak your truth with kindness and firmness. Some people are naturally skilled at activating these opposing ideals together, but we can all learn and become more skillful.
Stacey Royce
Subtle Body Experience
subtlebodyexperience.com
503.258.7790
Editor’s note: Wellness Word is an informational column which is not meant to replace a healthcare professional’s diagnosis, treatment or medication.