As I stand at the fence, transfixed by the myriad of dogs in various stages of play, chase, wrestling and rest, I sense a smile on my face and awe at the character of these animals. I feel both relaxed and enlivened by their shenanigans. They are all in the moment, furry, panting and clearly having a delightful time in the park together. Despite life’s ups and downs, this is a daily ritual that owners and pets practice each morning and evening. It brings an opportunity to be outside, connect with other dog owners and to play.
When I consider what is so magnetic about this scene, it is being witness to healthy vitality in dog form. Every human with a pulse has some level of vitality and there are many ways to build and lose our precious vitality.
Healthy vitality is the life force that gives you energy to face challenges, to build and create, to fall and recover and to achieve your goals. Healthy vitality is supported by sufficient sleep, better nutrition, moving your body through exercise or physical activity, meaningful relationships and your own caring relationship towards yourself.
Healthy vitality is undermined by loneliness, being sedentary, poor nutrition, negative mental messages, feelings of unworthiness and your basic needs not being met.
We have agency over all of these factors to some degree and in this article, we’ll look at the common factors that affect our mind state, particularly that of unworthiness or smallness, which then affects our vitality.
Despite all of us being unique individuals, our minds, when caught in negative cycles, are not that unique. In fact, so many humans experience the same types of suffering that Yoga and Buddhism point to five principal afflictions that lead to suffering, called the five Kleshas.
The first affliction, Ignorance, means not being able to see the truth clearly. Because we are a complex puzzle of social conditioning, we often see the world through the lens of what we’ve been taught rather than what’s actually true.
The second affliction, Ego, means comparing yourself to others as better or worse and taking things personally, making everything about you. You are no more valuable or less valuable than others and benefit from staying focused on aligning with your own values and desires.
The third and fourth afflictions, Attachment and Denial, are related to clinging to what’s pleasant and denying or rejecting what’s painful rather than letting all experiences flow through us without attaching to any one thing.
The fifth affliction, Fear of Death, means clinging to life at whatever cost, creating intense suffering. Someone who is on the brink of life or death knows that once they let go of that clinging, they experience a profound sense of peace.
Focusing on unworthiness, in western cultures, one particularly insidious message that we are conditioned to believe is that our worth comes from our position in society, what socio-economic class we are in, our physical beauty, our athleticism, our connections and our ability to attract attention or how many followers we have.
If you don’t meet the very narrow spectrum of what is valuable in our society, you could feel shame and embarrassment. Shame and embarrassment are terribly painful so you might compare yourself to others in a way that makes you feel superior and valuable. You may get angry and lash out at those who are closest to you. You might slide into a depression or turn to substances or activities that help you feel better in the short term. You may try to overachieve to “earn” appreciation and care.
All of these responses to shame affect your vitality. If you are stuck repeating the same patterns, your vitality drains. It becomes hard to function and hard to see what’s good or beneficial around you.
There is an antidote to shame or the feeling of unworthiness. It’s self-compassion.
Self-compassion can also be described as “being on your own side” or “a messy friendliness towards yourself” or “being generous with yourself.” So often we are able to be kind, generous and loving to our friends who have made mistakes or feel unworthy, but it can be a monumental task to offer the same to ourselves.
An example of self-compassion in action: “I am feeling really bad about my failure at work and then I drank because that has been my long-time habit. I see how those two connect, but I can also see how I am human and, of course, I will make an occasional mistake at work. What’s important is how I resolve the mistake, not the making of the mistake. If I can recognize this earlier next time and take steps to resolve it, then I can avoid the shame that leads to drinking. I am not useless or dumb. In fact, I am smart enough to learn from this and resolve both situations.”
Self-compassion means not abandoning yourself. It means that you are going to hang in there with the steadiness, kindness and generosity that you would offer to a friend in a similar situation. It will boost your healthy vitality as you start to change the mind and behavioral patterns that depleted your vitality in the first place.
Stacey Royce
Trauma-sensitive Yoga Therapist
503.258.7790
Editor’s note: Wellness Word is an informational column which is not meant to replace a healthcare professional’s diagnosis, treatment or medication.